Thursday, November 19, 2009

Oh no she DIDN'T!

Funny story! Funny story!

So I took some time out to pout and eat ice cream about a little incident that happened on Monday. It was a poo poo moment that made me throw in the blogging towel in a very "Eff you, I'm out!" attitude I'm actually very much known for. (((Big bow)))
*pout* What's the point?  *pout*
*pout* How could anyone love me?!  *pout*

So anyhoo...
We went to the NEX to get this nursery furniture set I saw in the weekly ad. I was so uber awesomely excitedly BESIDE MYSELF with glee that I told Stephen to "turn this puppy around (the truck), we are buying THIS HERE set RIGHT NOW (jabbing jabbing jabbing the sales paper with my finger and wildly pointing at the road behind us). Hurry hurry go go!!

Buying the crib and accessories for E's room has consumed many frustrated mom-hours and resulted in no purchases. I really wanted to get her something special and beautiful but not too expensive; not because we're broke but because OMFG furniture that they only use for 1.5 years?! Seriously. I have every intention of moving E to a toddler bed at 1.5 yrs and into her twin bed set at 2 yrs. So MAYBE 2 years in a crib/toddler bed combo. The half way decent sets are like $1000-$1500. *blink* *blink*  Yeah.... no thanks...

But... the cheapy sets have still been in the $600-$700 range and tackily made to boot. Not sturdy. Not cute. Not doable. I need simple, affordable, and sturdy. I will sacrifice adornment and wow-factor for value. But I don't want a cardboard box. Capice?

So when I saw this in the paper, I said "sold". Take me their now, dear chauffeur husband.

Even better? The price!
... as in... for the WHOLE SET! Yes! I know!
My thrifty meter just pegged high-out-of-sight. Thrifty shrines should be built in my honor!

And I saw the constructed one on the floor room and it was sturdy and safe. It has a minimalist air about it, but meh, nothing a little pink and brown paisley can't kill. I got my ticket, paid for it, and brought my receipt to the warehouse area to pick up. An older asian lady went to the back to see where exactly my thrifty, you're-so-jealous purchase was being stored. She was a little confused so after running around a bit, she enlisted the aid of a beefy stock boy to look it up. You could see he was struggling with her broken English and clearly she was struggling with, you know, the English language as a whole. It was chuckle-able. She was trying to convey "nursery furniture" to him.

And this is where our romantic comedy spirals down into the horror movie from hell. As she is flailing around in non-helpful non-descriptive arm movements, you can see a light bulb go off in her head. She couldn't find the right word for "nursery" furnture. Go figure. So she is repeating "baby" furniture and Mr. Beef Cake here on my starboard side is glassy eyed and clueless. Way to go same-team-ers. Le sigh.

Then... and then... it happened...

She reached her cold bony hand out, toward me, and let it settle on my stomach.
She says "BABY FURNITURE"... "for her baby ON THE WAY"

(a complimentary pause to digest what was just written, brought to you by Hostess Twinkies and the letters F, A and T)

Seriously?!? Did that just happen?!

So what was my response?

Did I politely inform her that no, actually my baby was already born and no they didn't leave the other one in HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you so funny?
Did I slap her hand away and say NO! No touchy touchy crazy lady!
Did I break down in tears and need security to escort me out?

Nope. I was like, in total and utter shock. Like mortified. And wanting-to-die-ness. And "the rock! the rock! wherefore art thou, rock to crawl under and die".

I am officially one of those fat asses. The ones who get mistaken for preggoes. Like, what is my motivation to keep on living? I don't deserve to live with the general population. I should pack a hobo stick and find a leper colony to join. Or maybe find a lard co-op and go in halvsies with another gravity-challenged hippo. Oh noes.

Gena, pity party for one. Gena! Pity party for one?!

So yeah. Monday I went home and just ate everything in sight, like, crying into my Nutella, "For the love of GOD! How did this happen?!? Tuesday I woke up and swore I would never eat again. Ever. I was going to officially become an anorexic. And then 45 minutes later, found myself crying again into the Nutella, "For the love of GOD! How did this happen?!? And then Wednesday I gave up all hope and cried, into the Nutella, "You're my only friend :( "

Now it's Thursday. Logic is slowly returning. I let myself go. Too far this time. Gotta do the opposite of what got me here. So today I'm instituting Change #1 for weight loss.

Drink water. Yup, that's it. Drink water. And only water. Water water water. And a glass of milk for calcium and Vit D (8 oz). And a few cups of coffee. But everything else is W-A-T-E-R! That's a big enough change to start. I'll make another change when I get this one under my belt. Wish me luck!

And now, back to your regularly scheduled programs....


katquilter said...

You are so FUNNY!!

You are only three months post- partum.... give yourself a break!

Water is good, but you have to eat, too! Try portion control... and walking....

How's the stroller coming along?

And DID you get the nursery set?!

Kristi said...

ive heard lots of women tell the exact same story you did. it seems to suck a small part of your soul every time someone does that. actually one of my friends got mistaken for being pregnant when she had her 4 month old son in the basket in front of her!!

anyways, not the point. the point is drinking water is an EXCELLENT step! not only will it boost weight loss, it shows youre not just going for skinny, but HEALTHY, and thats great! im proud of you for that.

even if you dont feel it, you have a lot of people supporting you, one being me. i know from experience you have some GREAT friends there, and i know each of them will be able to support you in their own way, yes stephen included... ;)

katquilter said...

I just read this again and laughed again.

AND I thought, you should have looked her in the eye and said, no, I'm three months post partum... what's your point? That happened to a friend of mine once at Paducah and her "baby" was ten years old! People can be so stupid and thoughtless. My friend was mortified and let the sales lady know so. The sales lady felt SO bad... but she should have felt bad... it's a loaded gun situation, so if you don't know EXACTLY what the situation is, you should KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!