Friday, May 14, 2010

Mother's Day, Part Deux

I'm extremely fertile. I watch a porno and I get pregnant. Stephen says that if HE watches a porno, and doesn't wear a condom, I get pregnant. And even then, it's only like 97% effective.

Are you watching a porno right now? STOP!

Hello?! I just said I'm SUPER FERTILE! Jeez....

We planned to get pregnant with E. When Stephen gave the go-ahead, I registered for Fertility Friend, bought a basal thermometer, the whole nine yards. I didn't want to waste any time.

Well, all that was for naught because we got pregnant 11 days later and 11 days after that, I got my BFP (big fudgin' positive). If you're gonna come to the game, you might as well play big and go home a winner. /flex

I'm a baby-making pro so we figured we'd pop out 2 babies in rapid succession and then be done. I wanted to have them both before 30 so we were working on a tight schedule. Chop chop.

And then E was born and WHOA we had a non-sleeper. I'm exhausted. I mean, she sorta sleeps. She takes excellent naps and goes down for night-time beautifully. But she still gets up a few times a night, even at nine months old. We didn't see that one coming.

For the first 8 months of her life, I considered not having more kids. I wondered how I could possibly have another when E was wearing me out. Imagine if the second kid was ALSO a non-sleeper. Recipe for disaster, much? I'd rather shove bamboo shoots up my OWN fingernails.

But then something clicked last month. E is still waking up but I have gotten used to it I guess. I got my groove back. The housework fell into place and I started taking daily showers again (your welcome!). Through FlyLady and the motivation to buck-up-buttercup, life has ceased to be an impossible list of shit-I-have-to-do yet haven't the time for. We are so much happier.

As I watch E blossom into this crazy awesome little person, I feel like everything will be okay. I'm doing okay. Another baby will be okay. (But just one more. DO YOU HEAR ME, GOD?)

I talked to Stephen and surprisingly, he was on board. He wants the kids to be close in age. He wishes he had been closer in age to his brother so they would have gotten along better. I loved my relationship with my brother. We are 11 months apart and still talk all the time. My other younger brother was born only two years after us and it made a difference. We always thought of him as our “baby” brother.

We talked about the cons: two under two sounds like Chinese water torture. Two in diapers. Two needing constant supervision. Trying to get them out of the house by myself? Ugh. It's gonna suck balls. And don't even talk to me about two in college at the same time. Emotional suck and financial suck all around.

But then there are the pros: constant baby-mode and then DONE. Built in playmates. Being able to do things like movies and vacations that everyone can enjoy without holding an older kid back or dragging a useless baby around.

I wasn't charting but I knew my cycle and told Stephen that we were too late for this month, by a mere 2 days or so, so we would get serious the next month. Game faces. War paint and all that jazz. I figured that we could practice, in the meantime, and ordered him to get his ass upstairs and assume the damn position. He threw down his Xbox controller and raced on up there. He's a real good sport when it comes to baby-making and all the practice involved.

Two weeks later, my cycle start was wonky.
EXPECTED: hemorrhage quality.
ACTUAL: barely visible.
I thought, surely, I didn't get pregnant this quick. As in the month BEFORE we start trying. Who does that?!?

So I bought a test. And it was positive.


I had to go out and buy more because it was a clear blue digital and they are known to give much higher than usual false-positives. And the other 2 in the box came up negative. It's either a false- positive or too early to register strongly. The box said “test again in a week”. Like hell.

I drove my pajama-clad butt up to CVS (on Mother's Day, so the lines were crazy long with people buying last second gifts for their moms because nothing says I love you like a 2 for $10 deal sitting in a CVS plastic bag), and bought two more tests. Of a different brand. And I took one.

The goddamned thing was BROKEN, ya'll. It didn't say SHIT. At this point I'm thinking someone is fucking with me and hey, NOT FUNNY GUYS. Thank God I learned to pee-on-command in the Navy and still had some juice left. I took the second one.

(Seriously, ya'll, which one of you HAD to watch the porno?! Hmmm?)

Long story short, Baby #2 is due 16 Jan 2011. Which is less than a month before my 30th birthday. (Boo-yah bitches. Crisis averted.) We are so excited but also a little deer-in-the-headlights because babies are hard, yo. Maybe even harder when they are 17 months apart. I'm just theorizing here.

Congratulations to us!


Also: I'm thinking of registering at Williams and Sonoma this time because we really don't need any more baby shit but, like, Momma could use some swagalicios kitchen gear instead.



Lynda Halliger-Otvos said...

I love the idea of registering somewhere whence you can actually use the stuff!! Go for it....

Lauren said...

Eeek! So exciting! I think you can do your head in weighing the positives and negatives of when to have the second kid. Elizabeth is going to make such an incredible big sister - what a lucky little baby you have swimming around in there. And yes. You are insanely fertile.

Cynthia Krajcarski said...

Ho-ly shit. This post frightens me like NO other... I just got my period back (from nursing) and I'm insanely fertile as well... We're going to START trying for another soon, but now I'm afraid of my fertility. Isla was conceived when we weren't trying... and look where that got us.

Anyway, congratulations to you!! That's freaking awesome!!

Cynthia Krajcarski said...

And I agree with registering for things you need from W&S. I mean, you're going to use the kitchen stuff FOR THE KIDS. There's a connection.

Alicia Stucky said...

That sounds so much like how we were with our second. (I'm 26 weeks along now.) My first box of clearblue easy was broken. Seriously - BOTH OF THEM came up blank. I love the "Like hell" part about waiting two weeks to test again lol, I was exactly the same way.