Friday, May 21, 2010

To crawl or not to crawl....

 I'mma start my own blog about my crazy mom.

We still aren't crawling. I'm not too worried. It's early still and what's the rush. People are always asking me "I bet you can't wait for her to crawl!" and the truth is, I CAN. It's a whole new ballgame when she becomes (more) mobile. There will be shelves to plunder and TV's to rock and a brick fireplace to dive into, head first of course. 

Also: delicious Chewie fur tumbleweeds hidden in every nook and cranny. I can only combat them so much. They are smaller and more agile and multiply heartily as they float throughout our house. I pretend to vacuum them up every day.  

 OMG OMG Is that a fur-tasty over there?!?

But we are so close. So very close to crawling.

E can scoot backwards and spin 360 degrees on her butt and also her belly. She can rock on all fours and sometimes launches herself towards her prey (a toy, the dog, a Chewie tumbleweed). She just can't comprehend that her baby paws have to "walk" with her knees. And we can't teach her. If we try, she screams: Don't touch my HAAAAANDZ!

 I do not needz to crawl when my slaves always bringz me my basket of toyz.

All the rocking has progressed into is sitting. If you put E on her belly, she will instantly pop to her hands and knees and push back into a sitting position. She refuses to stay on all fours for any amount of time unless it is on the way to sitting. If you put her on her back, she will roll over to her belly, up on her knees and down on her butt. It's kinda cute, all this newfangled sitting.

Do you remember how we have commemorated our milestones in the past? Hmmmm?

The first word and first wobbly, yet unaided, sitting?

That's right. We learn everything in the middle of the damn night. And then practice it to death by the light of the moon.

So I guess it's no big surprise that E has been waking up in the middle of the dang blasted night and assuming the sit position, only to find out that OMG SHE CAN'T GET DOWN! I'm serious, ya'll. I am being driven to madness because my 9 month old startles the shit out of me, at 1am, with the old "Help, I've sat up and I can't lay back down" trick.

Which was pretty amusing the first night, and then the second night I sort of chuckled to myself, and then the third night I was all CUT THAT SHIT OUT or I swear, by God, I will duct tape wooden spoons to your legs and you will be unable to bend those suckers in any direction. The fourth night I took the roll of duct tape and the wooden spoons and I arranged them, menacingly, on the dresser next to her night light. Just in case. As a reminder. We haven't had any problems after that (cracking knuckles).

 (((she thinks I'm joking)))

****************

(((sigh)))

Well, leave it to Lizzie to MAKE A LIAR of me. I started this post four days ago and then two days ago, she crawled. Just like that. She had a baby friend over, she wanted to wallop him on the head some more after we separated them and next thing we knew, she was crawling.

It's so funny too because she keeps her bent legs stiff and uses her hands to pull her frozen backside along. She fish-tails all over the place and is so excited. What a precious goofball.

(((Please excuse my maniacal laughing in the video.  I don't get out much.)))


I have a feeling I may be needing that duct tape and those wooden spoons after all.

1 comment:

Lauren said...

I was nodding along to this entire post until the part where your E up and figured out the whole crawling business while my E remains as lazy as ever. How exciting to have a crawler in the house!

And your voice is so high. I'm jealous. I have a total man's voice.